Shhhh... I'm in the shower....

Not really. Just supposed to be...
So, after I was saying I didn't mind my eight-legged house guests...
I woke up yesterday morning to a huge, hairy, fangy spider crawling up my arm. I shrieked, and flung it... Somewhere.

 I was only half awake. They bite. I kill that particular kind of spider when I come across one in the house, because they bite. I've been bitten by them before, and it sucked. We were unable to find where I had flung her, so she remained alive.
This morning, I woke up to two huge bites on my left arm, about an inch apart. The swollen area around them was about the size of a quarter. It was painful and itchy.
An hour later, a silver dollar.
Not long after that, about three inches across. Damn, now it really hurt.
I went online for about an hour, trying to figure out what kind of spider these fuckers really are, and what to do about them. And I can't find a damn thing. No images, no descriptions, nothing. Interweb, you have failed me.
My mother told me to ice it, take some Benadryl, and keep an eye out for fever. If I get one, I should see a doctor, ASAP. So far, no fever, but it still hurts like a bitch, and is very, very swollen. My biggest issue with this bitch is that I really don't want Alex to get bitten.
So, if I find Andariel, she's going to die. (Yep, I gave her a name- for those of you who don't know, it's a video game demon that does poison damage.) I am going to shove down my inner Buddhist, and squash the shit out of her. It's on bitch. This is war.